This story hit home for me. I'm going through my own struggle as a mother, my own fight for my children. My belief is that mother's are the single most important person in a child's life. They grow inside of us, we fight and hurt to bring them into the world, we breastfeed, read, cuddle, bath, etc...of course there are great fathers out there and there are also horrible mothers but for the most part it isn't that way. When a child is born there is never a question as to whom is the child's real mother, but there are DNA tests for fathers. For the most part, we as women, are not given much of a choice, we have to accept the changes in our bodies, in our lives and make sacrifices whether we are ready or not, most of us close our eyes and take the leap.
A little over three years ago, I made the decision to leave my cocaine and pot addict husband of nine years, whom I have named Scum. What is the definition of scum? Trash or worthless people according to my Google search and the Princeton University definition. Scum was disappearing for three to four days at a time doing cocaine. He would tell me that he was going to the store and return in 30 minutes, but his 30 minutes turned into three days. I decide to leave and he disappeared for a year. He returned exactly a year later with a new girlfriend and all of the sudden he was religious and a church goer. My son at the time was 9 years old.
Now two years later, he has cleaned up his act, some, he has a rich daddy that fully supports him, he does not work, he doesn't have a driver's license, he is a full time student, has a fancy lawyer, he has his family, his girlfriend and his girlfriend's family. I'm happy that he cleaned up and that he has all this support because I wish all that for myself too. After nine years of not really being there for his wife and family but putting drugs, loser friends and partying in front of his family, he decides that now he wants to be a Christian, a father and a good son. Should he be forgiven? Absolutely, but what about the mother that has been there, didn't put the drugs and other things first, didn't take a year of from being a parent, is financially supporting herself, putting herself through school, alone in a country that isn't hers? Do we recognize anything that she has done? Why does a man that took nine years to realize that he wants to be a good father, get to play daddy when he decides? Is it ok to just take time off from being a parent? Or make the decision to not be one until many many years later we decide that we are ready?
The problem with today's justice system is that we are all just a number. We see the judge one month, the next month he has no idea who you are and in my case I've been showing up to court for the last three years and he still has no idea who I am or what I want. He doesn't take the time to thoroughly read the papers in front of him, he just tries to get things over with as soon as he can. Judges favor people with attorneys versus those of us who can't afford one, at least mine does. Why does this country not offer any kind of help for those of us who can't afford to pay $400 an hour? Why is everything so money driven? We are talking about my life, my future, my children's lives and their future? The judge seems to be annoyed that you are there and even more annoyed when you don't take his first suggestion and you ask a question or for more. The judge does not remember the five times in 2007 when you showed up to court alone and the other party ignored the court date. I know that if I had a fancy lawyer standing next to me today in court, who spoke all their fancy law terms and abbreviations that the judge would have treated me better. I have been to court, not counting anything else, 10 times, out of those 10 times, the Scum showed up once and twice he had his lawyer show up for him because according to his daddy who is paying the lawyer, he is going to school full time and doesn't have the time to deal with all this. So the 7 other times when he chose not to show up have no consequences? I bet if I was to not show up to court I would have consequences. I wonder if one can request a different judge? I honestly don't feel like being ignored, overlooked, not granted a single wish because he is familiar with the attorney that the Scum has and probably plays favorites, maybe he is a chauvinist, maybe he is too old and for him it is just a job while for me it is my life.
What is wrong with this country? We are quick to forgive but at what cost? We are all numbers. At school, in the court system, our driver's license, etc...I believe that soon we will all get a scan code put on our necks or wrists and everywhere we go we will just be scanned. We will no longer have names, so instead of Jozi, I will be 56394857. But, for the people with a lot of money they will have special scan codes that get them into special places, hidden places, forbidden places, but for those of us who are just average, where is the justice?
